Good discussion!
Thank you Dave for taking the time to bring it up and for those that have responded.
The things said on this topic of reconciliation have given me pause, because it challenges some basic assumptions that I have held---- and it's good to consider if one is following good thinking or is clinging to some ideas that are off-base.
I do appreciate the comments that mention me personally and the kind and humble spirit in which they have been offered. If my "calling" is to bring former members back to reconciliation with present members than I haven't done a very good job of that and maybe I should make some adjustments.
Immediately, after first leaving the group (before the GG demise), I thought it was my responsibility to inform and entreat the members re. what I believed to be serious errors. I wrote a huge letter and mailed it to every "Saint" I knew. The few responses I received were not hopeful (

) and should have alerted me to the reality that my "former family" were not receptive to correction.
The only positive responses came from those who were thinking about leaving, or already out. To these, many overcome with great emotional distress, a reasoned argument against their inner debates (filled with all the "inner Wuss" stuff Dave talked about) was very helpful.
These are the ones that I have directed my efforts toward (Wounded Pilgrims) and to whom I feel a very passionate sense of concern for. I fully realize that there are those who just don't want to talk about it; they don't care what I think, and for that matter are just burned out on the whole thing! I can understand this, and I wish them all of the best!
Dave S. and Margaret are so wise in their insights, because they (much better than I) have a clear and practical view of reaching those I just mentioned in the last sentence of the previous paragraph. In my thinking re. "present members" I am thinking of the certain ones I have had interaction with, and this tends to color my reactions by lumping every single "current member" into that same characterization.
There are dangers, however, in dealing with those have been in cults (or in any kind of recovery), in that we can adopt a kind of detached "objectivity" where we are not clear in defining the absolute necessity for moral clarity (honesty). It is not that I personally need an apology from MM or GG, etc., but it's what
they really do need to find blessing with God.
In the bible story of Joseph and his brethren their understanding and confession to their abuse of Joe was not for Joseph's benefit, but for the unrepentant bros. Joe had to be "harsh" because, in the bros. minds, they had justified what they did to Joe. Their consciences had become hardened and the only way to make them sensitive again to their own sin was the work of conviction that would bring them to owning up to their past behavior.
Recovery cannot be accomplished in a moral vacuum where "forgiveness" becomes an action where we support the notion that there was no wrong and nothing to be made right---- again, this is for the one in denial, not for the one they sinned against. If Joe had adopted an attitude of just "cleaning up his own side of the street" (a very necessary thing) alone with these guys it would have paralyzed him in any attempt to help them.
Dave S. is absolutely correct that we can't allow an unapologetic present member to control our inner state (in that sense we must "forgive and forget"). But to give in to those who would like to rewrite the history of the group, and deny their part in it, we do
them a great disservice if we do this. Whether we like it or not, at some point with our interaction with former/present members there must be a candid, and maybe uncomfortable, talk------ if we are to truly be helpful. Eventually the doctor treating a cancer patient, with the very best bed side manner, must tell that patient that he has cancer; no matter how emotionally uncomfortable that situation becomes as a result (if we truly care about the patient).
What I have heard from you on this topic is that maybe there is a better way to ease into that eventual needed moment of honest reflection and that I need to work on my bed side manner.
PS to Dave M.---- I live about 45 mins. north of Old Town and will email you so that maybe we can figure out how to make a rendezvous.
God Bless, Mark C.