Thanks for your reply. You are correct, the support group for 2nd generation ex-members would be focusing more on current issues that have developed as a result of the limitations, trauma, etc. from being raised in a cult/high demand group. There will be some structure and some specific topics, but also time to talk about whatever the participants need to talk about that day. As a therapist with awareness of the cult/high demand group issues, as well as, standard clinical training regarding relationships, I am able to facilitate a more in-depth and focused conversation when appropriate.
I also agree with your responder... support groups are for support and, as such, are a good place to discover what personal experiences or issues would be better dealt with in individual therapy. However, "re-hashing" is an important step in a process of healing, in that it allows the participant to begin to express, in a safe and supportive environment, his or her feelings about a painful and traumatic experience. This actually helps the person to more clearly distinguish themselves from the group and begin to reclaim who they really are. [Editor's emphases]
this sounds like a really good approach. it certainly mirrors my path. on this board, too many people were judging those who were going through the process described in paragraph 2, calling them bitter and hateful, when their reaction was actually the
first steps of a healthy recovery process. it is important not to get stuck at that point in the process, just as it is important not to shortchange it. unfortunately this wasn't always the ideal 'safe and supportive' environment to do that in.
once people have taken a solid, honest look at the past, they also need to look at where they are now, and where they would like to be. sacrifices made for the assembly took many people far from their personal goals and pursuits, which can now be resumed. there are a lot of common pitfalls and traps in this part of the process that small-group interaction can really help with.
even knowing all this, i have never participated in small-group anything because i am simply still too distrustful of groups. all of the good progress in my life has come from myself, and sometimes from a few good friends who were there for me at the right time, or individual counseling. everyone has to find the approach that works for them, but i really do think that almost everyone would benefit from some form of what she is describing.
ideally, this bb could also provide some of that kind of interaction. but it has always been extremely difficult to moderate a bb full of people who are at different points in this process. the ones who are just starting to express their feelings often have a lot of anger, and the ones who are past that point (or not there yet...) have often been judgemental of them, saying they were bitter/hateful/etc (and occasionally people were overly hateful). people at different points in this process, with different personalities and struggles, can really get on each other's nerves. in general, its not uncommon for people to assume that the stage they are at is the stage everyone should be at, and the approach that worked for them should work for everyone. this is certainly not the case, so we need to be tolerant and respectful of each other in our interactions on here.
brian
