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Author Topic: The "New" Humor  (Read 41299 times)
freebird
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« Reply #45 on: January 26, 2003, 02:03:47 am »

As for the TV.................

Well, alot of folks probably have more closet space now.
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Stacy Clark
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« Reply #46 on: January 26, 2003, 11:00:03 am »

I bought a tv when our LB got a computer with a DVD player and started inviting us over for movies. I figured I'd go the economical route.  Wink
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David Mauldin
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« Reply #47 on: January 28, 2003, 12:57:44 am »

Hey Ollie!

Ye Sven?

Did ya notice in the broders letter these phrases,  "Last 20 years..(just been brought to our) attention"

Yea Ollie days mus think were stupid or somthin? Grin Grin Grin
« Last Edit: January 28, 2003, 12:59:51 am by David Mauldin » Logged
Joe Sperling
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« Reply #48 on: January 28, 2003, 02:00:42 am »

The other night three of us went on over to Downey Honda and had a prayer meeting in the parking lot. We were simply trying to follow the Biblical pattern and "pray with one ACCORD".     Ok Ok I know that's an old one--but its the only joke I could think of.

---Joe
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David Mauldin
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« Reply #49 on: January 29, 2003, 04:53:35 am »

Ollie and Sven bought a mule but were having difficulty with it because the stable door was too low.  Everytime the mule would walk through the doorway its ears would rub against the top and set the mule off into a kicking spree.  So Ollie and Sven set to work at sanding away at the door.  When a friend drove by he noticed what was happening.  "Hey you guys, just dig out a few inches of dirt and it will allow the mule to get through just fine!"  As he was driving off Ollie said "What a stupid idiot!  Its the mules ears that are too big not his leggs!" Tongue Tongue Tongue
« Last Edit: January 29, 2003, 04:55:09 am by David Mauldin » Logged
Arthur
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« Reply #50 on: January 29, 2003, 05:00:08 am »

Norge jokes eh?  How bout some Polish ones?

Why did the Polish submarine sink?  

Because they forgot to shut the screen door.
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brian
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« Reply #51 on: January 29, 2003, 05:07:09 am »

Why did the Polish submarine sink?  

Because they forgot to shut the screen door.

how do leftcoasters tell jokes?  Tongue

because they built it with a screen door. if its a screen door then shutting it won't make a whole lot o' difference, now will it?  Grin

btw, my wife is hungarian. too bad she is not polish, then i would really put you in your place  Smiley
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Arthur
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« Reply #52 on: January 29, 2003, 05:20:52 am »

Yes, I realize that, but you see, I was telling it from the Pollack's perspective.     Tongue

What humor is there in "because they built in a screen door?"  I mean, come on man.   Roll Eyes   Wink
« Last Edit: January 29, 2003, 05:22:00 am by Arthur » Logged
brian
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« Reply #53 on: January 29, 2003, 05:30:41 am »

Yes, I realize that, but you see, I was telling it from the Pollack's perspective.     Tongue

oh yes, very authentic

Quote
What humor is there in "because they built in a screen door?"  I mean, come on man.   Roll Eyes   Wink

no no no, not built in a screen door, they only built a screen door. and who said it was funny?

 Grin Grin Grin
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lemonlime
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« Reply #54 on: January 29, 2003, 06:23:37 am »

my parents are out for the night having dinner with Brian Tucker (and his wife i think, i wasnt clear on that part).


and they left me alone. with my siblings. mwa ha ha...time to break out the sissors and chloroform!



....just kidding. sort of anyway
Cheesy
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David Mauldin
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« Reply #55 on: January 30, 2003, 10:06:21 pm »

Ollie and Sven went to a potluck.  sven won a doorprize.  It was a toilet brush!  About two weeks later:  

Ollie:  "Hey Sven hows that toilet brush workin out?"  

Sven: "Its O.K. I guess, But I'd rather use toilet paper!"
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Rudy
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« Reply #56 on: January 31, 2003, 03:45:41 am »

OOOuuch !  Shocked
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Bob Sturnfield
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« Reply #57 on: January 31, 2003, 08:03:49 am »

by the way, there IS taco bell in Chicago Cheesy

There is a gas station near the meeting place in Chicago that has a Taco Bell.

We always joked that you could get gas and "gas" at the same time.


kNow fast food references!
kNow making fun of me, Garth, AT ALL!
==================
No Garth my signature is not the punch line  Smiley
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« Reply #58 on: January 31, 2003, 06:43:00 pm »

Thought you had bad children ...
Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.
Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted Leroy to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Leroy


Leroy knew that wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year so he
tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Leroy

Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. So he wrote a third letter.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thankyou,
Leroy

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked as
Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner." Leroy's mother told him.
Leroy walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Leroy went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Leroy bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped
it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Leroy began to write his letter to God.
Letter 4
God,

I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
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« Reply #59 on: January 31, 2003, 06:43:55 pm »

Food for thought

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do, "practice"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?  You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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