Osama Bin Tim Geftakys - National Warning

BEWARE, BEWARE, BEWARE:

Homeland Security, the CIA, and the FBI have jointly just put out the following report:

"People should be aware of a very dangerous character by the name of Osama Bin Tim Geftakys who was last seen in the Southern California area...As you well know, our offices have been very concerned with Saddamm Husseins "Dirty Bomb". The dirty bomb pales in comparison to Osama Bin Tim Geftakys "personality bomb".

The Osama Bin Tim Geftakys "personality bomb" is most often launched in the following ways:

Ministry: When Osama Bin Tim Geftakys gives ministry, it often times makes absolutely no sense. People often times leave with their head spinning, which causes severe dizzyness. If you are in an area where Osama Bin Tim Geftakys is giving ministry, do not drive until at least three hours have passed, and your head is clear.

Face to Face Confrontation: If you come into direct contact with Osama Bin Tim Geftakys, do realize that that is not poisonous or toxic gas leaking from his mouth. It is merely just a case of horrendously bad breath. However, in face to face confrontations, beware that this is when the "personality bomb" is most effective. He will say whatever it is that fits his needs accordingly. He also has the ability to make you feel about two inches tall when he unleashes the personality bomb in this fashion. If you come into contact with him, look him in the eye, and just think to yourself "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon" until he has made his point. Then nod your head in agreement, and walk away.

Also...If you happen to run across Mr. Osama Bin Tim Geftakys, please realize that that is not artillery or weapons he is hiding under the front side of his shirt. That is just his "pot belly". However, that pot belly is sure to shrink in the near future, since he is allegedly no longer drawing a salary from the Geftakys network and is incapable of holding a real job, which should make it impossible for him to feed himself.

Jointly,

Homeland Security, The FBI, and the CIA