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Author Topic: Taboos as an AK  (Read 54332 times)
Kimberley Tobin
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« Reply #30 on: January 20, 2004, 02:30:06 am »

I would like to resurrect this thread and ask the question what Taboos for our AKs have you reevaluated now that you have left the assembly?

I, for one, have allowed my 17 year old daughter to begin dating.  She has a boyfriend and has a high standard for her interaction with him.

I believe the dating process is to be used to discover how to relate to the opposite sex in many more ways than simply physical.  It encompasses communication, vulnerability, what you are willing to allow in a relationship, the values you want in a relationship, etc.  

To believe that a young person without this experience could get married and  be successful in a marriage without this kind of interaction is naive at best and foolish at worst.
 
My daughter and I have had wonderful discussions regarding her relationship, where she is able to dialogue and discover what it is she wants in a relationship and how to communicate with the opposite sex (much different than communicating with your same sex friends!)  I am so glad that we have some years left to interact with my daughter in this parental way before she leaves the home and has to discover this process all on her own, as many of her former AK friends have had to do.

Any input or contributions?
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Scott McCumber
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« Reply #31 on: January 20, 2004, 02:37:03 am »

I would like to resurrect this thread and ask the question what Taboos for our AKs have you reevaluated now that you have left the assembly?

I, for one, have allowed my 17 year old daughter to begin dating.  She has a boyfriend and has a high standard for her interaction with him.

I believe the dating process is to be used to discover how to relate to the opposite sex in many more ways than simply physical.  It encompasses communication, vulnerability, what you are willing to allow in a relationship, the values you want in a relationship, etc.  

To believe that a young person without this experience could get married and  be successful in a marriage without this kind of interaction is naive at best and foolish at worst.
 
My daughter and I have had wonderful discussions regarding her relationship, where she is able to dialogue and discover what it is she wants in a relationship and how to communicate with the opposite sex (much different than communicating with your same sex friends!)  I am so glad that we have some years left to interact with my daughter in this parental way before she leaves the home and has to discover this process all on her own, as many of her former AK friends have had to do.

Any input or contributions?

Kimberly,

My son has read all of the Harry Potter novels (started when he was 7). To date he has not attempted to cast any spells, sacrifice a goat or had his head spin around in circles!

He would like to play Quiditch, though but I can't say much because so would I!

Scott
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d3z
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« Reply #32 on: January 20, 2004, 11:11:52 pm »

He would like to play Quiditch, though but I can't say much because so would I!

I suspect many people would like to.  If someone could just figure out how to make the brooms Smiley
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Scott McCumber
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« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2004, 11:26:36 pm »

He would like to play Quiditch, though but I can't say much because so would I!

I suspect many people would like to.  If someone could just figure out how to make the brooms Smiley

Maybe you could team up with Stephen and Lucas and come up with something? Wink

S
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jesusfreak
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« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2004, 12:05:42 am »

He would like to play Quiditch, though but I can't say much because so would I!

I suspect many people would like to.  If someone could just figure out how to make the brooms Smiley

Maybe you could team up with Stephen and Lucas and come up with something? Wink

S

My vote would be on figuring out a way to utilize the Earth's magnetic field for propulsion  Wink

If you do it properly, you should be able to obtain just under the speed of light - now wouldn't that make for an interesting game!  Shocked

--
lucas
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Scott McCumber
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Email
« Reply #35 on: January 21, 2004, 01:26:23 am »

He would like to play Quiditch, though but I can't say much because so would I!

I suspect many people would like to.  If someone could just figure out how to make the brooms Smiley

Maybe you could team up with Stephen and Lucas and come up with something? Wink

S

My vote would be on figuring out a way to utilize the Earth's magnetic field for propulsion  Wink

If you do it properly, you should be able to obtain just under the speed of light - now wouldn't that make for an interesting game!  Shocked

--
lucas

Whoa! Easy there, Ender.  Wink

I think you'd need to expand the playing field a bit. And it might be kind of hard to feel the rush of the wind in your hair at just under light speed. Shocked

S
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Stillwater
Guest
« Reply #36 on: February 02, 2004, 03:54:19 am »

My experience may have been different due to the particular Assembly I was in, but I felt that those of us who joined as college students were treated much more strictly than those whose parents were Assembly members. AK's had the excuse that "that was what their parents wanted." Similarly, a married woman had that excuse that "that was what her husband wanted." Those of us who had neither parents nor husbands to appeal to just had to do as we were directed.  Huh

Take care  Cheesy
Heather
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Rachel
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« Reply #37 on: February 02, 2004, 04:59:25 am »

Heather,

I think that also depended on who your parents were.  My parents were as strict or more so on us.  It is true that you could just say "My parents want", but I guarantee your parents heard about it and were pressured to get you to conform to whatever was the standard.  It just depended on how hard your parents were going to allow it to be on you.  

Rachel
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Stillwater
Guest
« Reply #38 on: February 03, 2004, 03:35:13 am »

Yes, that sounds right. There was one father in particular in Spokane who was especially merciful to his family and brave about resisting pressure. Yeah, for him! Wink Though I must admit I thought less of him at the time.  Cry Thank God my thinking isn't trapped in that little box of do's and don't's anymore!  Smiley Smiley Smiley

Peace,  Cool
Heather
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Scott McCumber
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Email
« Reply #39 on: February 03, 2004, 08:19:01 am »

I'm pretty sure my parents were as strict or more strict than what the average campus recruit experienced. I think the difference was that it was easier to swallow coming from my folks.

I often got into trouble for rebelling against the directives of some dork eeper or sour faced sister looking for anyone lower on the totem pole than they were.

My defense was to be as surly and insolent as possible. Of course that just got back to the parents who tried to correct me, but taking punishment from my dad was easier than taking crap from some ambitious, mewling sycophant who daydreamed about being a leading brother some day.

Campus recruit or AK. It didn't matter. Just misery of a different sort! Wink

S
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Kimberley Tobin
Guest
« Reply #40 on: February 03, 2004, 06:37:18 pm »

Scott - You are oh so right!  When my oldest daughter went on the teen team for the last year, she had a sister for a counselor who had just gotten out of Tim and Ginger's "Training Home". Tongue

You guessed it........she "counseled" the way she was "trained" at Tim and Ginger's.  The girls in her home hated her and the only reason I didn't have to go down to Fullerton myself and intervene was because she was in a home with a mom who had half a brain.  The mom stepped in for the girls time and time again with this counselor (reminding the counselor that this was not a "training home"), but it was not a pleasant experience for my teen.
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Kimberley Tobin
Guest
« Reply #41 on: February 03, 2004, 06:48:33 pm »

Heather - I agree with Rachel and Scott as well.  As a mom, I would get "entreated" weekly regarding any one (or all Wink) of my childrens behavior.  The difficult part was that, in order to be in the good graces of the leadership and in the eyes of most of the other assembly members, you had to take your children to task for whatever offense was brought to your attention.  

It really depended on how independent you were as a parent (and if you were "independent" you were in the "dog house".)  If you wanted to be in everyone's good graces you let your children "have it"!  Tongue

What do you have to do as a parent to respond in this way?  Turn your brain off!  I can't tell you the amount of times that I handed out discipline to my children when I didn't agree with it.  And why you ask?  Because we were BRAINWASHED into believing that to go against counsel was SIN!  It was tantemount to open rebellion against God.  Remember the inculcated teaching of, "it is commendable to God for you to be wronged even if you were right" (1Peter or 2Peter - I don't have my bible handy right here  Wink)Huh  This led to children being disciplined so often, even when their parents didn't believe that the children should be disciplined.  SICK!!!!!!!  My oldest daughter was so used to having people talk to us and then she would be called into our room to have a "discussion".  It got to the point that, after we left the assembly, when we would call our daughter into our bedroom just to talk, she would respond, "what did I do?"  It has been a year now, and thank God, she is beginning to realize that we enjoy just talking with her and she hasn't "done something wrong" that needs to be discussed.
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Robert E. Beasley
Guest


Email
« Reply #42 on: February 03, 2004, 10:36:25 pm »

Hi My name is David Mauldin I am 42 years old!  I was in the assembly since I was 18 until 34. While in fellowship I was so busy I didn't have time to develope any talents.  I now enjoy dancing.  I am sorry if this is a stumbling block to some people but for me it has done wonders.  I love to move around and have fun with other people.  During square dancing I laugh with my friends because we mess up all the time.  I also am into drawing/painting.  I am not ashamed of my work!  In fact I am very proud of it! I also question everything now. Is something like dancing really wrong?  Why? where does it say in the Bible?  Many rules that our parents/leaders place on us are grounded in their own insecurities.  I can't help but notice the great emphasis that immigrants have put on religion in America?  I think this has a lot to do with the anxiety parents feel when they see the indipendent spirit so activly displayed by American youth.  wouldn't just developing a good healthy relationship with your children be much better? What a shame to deny children these facets of exploration and developement!  Oh yes I love to sing also yet not just the hymns  Las t year I got to sing Memorie from Cats!  In church!!! Oh my  Shocked

David,

I'm 41 years old, was in assembly from around 1970 to around 1983, so I was 7 or 8 'til around 21. Thats my background.

I know that you posted the above quote almost a year ago, but I must comment. Let me say something about the concept of "stumbling" to everyone, because it really needs to be heard.

Yes, it is wrong to make people stumble--you know almost fall down in their faith, fall away, etc. If I have an affair, yes that will stumble some people, especially my wife and 4 sons. Pretty easy to imagine.

But there is a HUGE difference between making someone stumble and doing something someone else doesn't like or doesn't agree with. We all should know that.

Some folks might not like that you enjoy dancing. But, a stumbling block it is not.

Bob.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2004, 07:56:31 am by Robert E. Beasley » Logged
Oscar
Guest


Email
« Reply #43 on: February 03, 2004, 10:39:41 pm »

Heather - I agree with Rachel and Scott as well.  As a mom, I would get "entreated" weekly regarding any one (or all Wink) of my childrens behavior.  The difficult part was that, in order to be in the good graces of the leadership and in the eyes of most of the other assembly members, you had to take your children to task for whatever offense was brought to your attention.  

It really depended on how independent you were as a parent (and if you were "independent" you were in the "dog house".)  If you wanted to be in everyone's good graces you let your children "have it"!  Tongue

What do you have to do as a parent to respond in this way?  Turn your brain off!  I can't tell you the amount of times that I handed out discipline to my children when I didn't agree with it.  And why you ask?  Because we were BRAINWASHED into believing that to go against counsel was SIN!  It was tantemount to open rebellion against God.  Remember the inculcated teaching of, "it is commendable to God for you to be wronged even if you were right" (1Peter or 2Peter - I don't have my bible handy right here  Wink)Huh  This led to children being disciplined so often, even when their parents didn't believe that the children should be disciplined.  SICK!!!!!!!  My oldest daughter was so used to having people talk to us and then she would be called into our room to have a "discussion".  It got to the point that, after we left the assembly, when we would call our daughter into our bedroom just to talk, she would respond, "what did I do?"  It has been a year now, and thank God, she is beginning to realize that we enjoy just talking with her and she hasn't "done something wrong" that needs to be discussed.

Kimberley,

Maybe the San Fernando Valley water causes "independence".

When I was the Great Potato of the SFV my attitude was "this is my family and my home".   I never set up the consequence system in my home, and we ate what we wished to eat.

The idea was around that children should remain silent at meals.  Betty promoted this.  I told them that this was wrong...children should be acknowledged as members of the family and invited to participate in the mealtime conversations, as long as they aren't disruptive.

When Great Potato number 3 lived with me, he tried to implement the Geftafkys standards in my home.  I set him straight and told him to mind his own business.

God bless,

Thomas Maddux
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BeckyW
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« Reply #44 on: February 04, 2004, 09:58:05 pm »

Tom and all,
Speaking of Great Potatoes, I've been thinking on and off during this past year how we learned to see things through "assembly eyes".  Like when Mrs. Potato in Toy Story told Mr. Potato to pack his "angry eyes".  Part of starting over for us has been to say, wait, how should we look at this without assembly eyes on?  For instance; baptism.  A young person wants to be baptized.  In the assembly that meant certain things.  But the Bible doesn't say, get baptized right before your first teen team.  It doesn't say don't pray aloud in a group before you're baptized.  It doesn't say wear headcoverings now, if you are a young lady being baptized. It doesn't say now that you're baptized you can take part in the Lord's supper. I don't bring this up to discuss baptism, but as a recent example of our need to look at things without "assembly eyes" on.
I'm glad for your family and former assembly's sake, Tom, that you were a more independent sort of Great Potato.
Just small fries,
Becky


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