However, it is interesting that you being from SLO say that Fullerton was worse. Or are you saying that?.
Yes, I am saying that. It's kinda hard to explain and other people may not agree with me, but here's how I see it.
I was in SLO from Sept 95 to June 99, working on my degree at Cal Poly. I joined the assembly around Jan 96.
My overall impression of those three years was positive, though now I realize that the seeds of the horrible times I had later were sown during that time.
From June 99 to June 00, I was in Fullerton. Fullerton...how can I say it...sucked. Why?
1. The assembly - the assembly in Fullerton was five times larger than the one in SLO. There wasn't the same close-knit familiarity there.
2. The demographics - In SLO, many of the saints were college students-- people with a fresh perspective and in the process of growth.
In Fullerton, a good portion of the saints were people who have been there many years (some even 30), well past their college days. The disease of the assembly had taken hold in their lives. I tell you, I've seen a ghastly thing - men walking, talking, breathing, but nothing really there, just a shell. Gave me shivers.
3. The leadership - there were no opportunities for young bucks to develop and take on something new. The well-past-their-prime leadership basically sat on everything and controlled it. Young people were seen as and expected to be inept and so they were. Think about it this way--e.g. who ran the campus work? In SLO, the students did everything--it was their baby. In Fullerton, two old guys by the name of Jim and Tim nutured the same baby for 30 years and it was that stunted.
4. The henchmen - What do you call someone who exists in the purgatory that is in-between assembly leadership and being a common peon saint? What do you call someone who is constantly under pressure to please the leadership on penalty that they will never rise above their status and forever be banished to aforementioned purgatory? What do you call someone who vents the frustration of their deplorable state by attempting to demonstrate what they consider to be leadership qualities in bullying the common peon saints? What's another name for corporate "yes"-men? Yes, you guessed it--
doork-eepers.
5. environment - SLO is a nice country-type small town area. Fullerton is in smog-choking, people-everywhere-you-look, concrete, barbed-wire, gang-infested Southern California.
In SLO, I loved meeting with my brethren. In Fullerton, on more than one occasion I had to leave the room and go into the bathroom to just sit there because I have never felt so sick in my life. I felt like someone was raping my ears. I didn't want to hear another word of that sewage-scrapings. But I felt stuck--to die or worse, just melt into the puddle of nothingness that everyone else there had disovled into.
If I can just say a word about David and living in his house. It was a far different experience living at David's house than living in Fullerton.
David was an ornery man. He knew it; we all did. He didn't attempt to pretend to be caring or nice to get what he wanted. He just ripped you a new one every once in a while and then left you alone. There was a certain liberation in that. It was just straight pain that could be taken at face value. David was on a military kick at the time, and his expectation was that we'd be men, do things with no mistakes and do it on our own.
After leaving David's house, I felt like I could conquer the world because there wasn't any suffering worse that I hadn't taken like a man. I still had my resolve.
In Fullerton, they expected you to be like a cross between a dog, a jellyfish and a houseboy. No harsh pain just dull, poisonous control. After leaving Fullerton, I felt like a no-good, used up piece of garbage.
When I got back to SLO in Aug of 99, the whole group had fallen downhill and was primed for collapse (half the group had already left). They were trying to keep it alive by, get this, seeking direction from Fullerton
a la Mark Miller, Dan Notti, Tim G., etc. Sheep were hurting and bleeding all over the place and all Jeff L. could do was put a brazen look on his face and say how we needed to keep abiding in the vine, stay in the boat and other nonsense like that.
Well, there's my take on it.
Arthur
