GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW

[al Hartman]

Come now friends, for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can keep this thread going...
Thank you so very much.

The Reverend Burt O'Leary

     ...Proof positive that O'Leary does not know his audience!

[Oscar]

Hello Friends,

Reverend Burt O'Leary here. The Author is on a short leave of absence to run some"errands" and
to take care of some other business. Being a friend of his, I am using his computer in an
effort to help him out. The Author has a habit of doing things for "free", which is a word that
I as a Reverend and businessman detest whole-heartedly.

The cost of running this thread, and continuing to add to it,  is enormous, and we simply cannot
continue without your help. This thread is run completely off of the comments, and ideas, and most
importantly, the financial help of our readers. We rely on you alone to keep this thread going, and if the finances don't come in, we simply cannot continue(begins to weep) with this story. I personally find the story to be completely stupid and useless and without any creative flair whatsoever, but it is important to the Author(weeping profusely), and as a friend of mine, I simply do not want to see him fail.

So, please, contribute to the work of this Thread, and keep it going. This month I am making the following offer:
For a donation of $25.00 you will receive the book "Under Cover", a sister's view of the Sunday worship service in the Assembly. It is quite enlightening, and a great read.

For a donation of $50.00 you will receive the book "Under Cover", and also a Reverend Burt O'Leary prayer cloth. This cloth is guaranteed to bring you whatever you ask, and your tears can be easily squeezed from it as it is made of pure cotton.

For a contribution of $100.00 you will receive the book "Under Cover", the Reverend Burt O'Leary prayer cloth, and a "Heavenly Huffer" miniature computer keyboard vacuum cleaner, which will remove even the most minute dust particles from your keyboard.

Come now friends, for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can keep this thread going. I will thank you and the Author will thank you. The author has no idea I am doing this on behalf of this Thread, but I know that he will thank me once he begins to reap the benefits.

Thank you so very much.

Send all donations to:

The Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. box 4506
Barstow, Ca., 92311
No personal checks please.

Dear Reverend Burt,

I so very much want to send you a gift and receive my Reverend Burt prayer cloth.  It does guarantee I will receive my desired answers doesn't it?

However, I have been sending all my gifts to Kenneth Hagin as "seed money".  He has guaranteed me that the Author will be sending me a great harvest real soon.

Please send me a Reverend Burt prayer cloth right away.  When the harvest rolls in I will send you a double portion.

Thomas Maddux

[Mark Kisla]

a dear sister has put that momentous occasion to song,
And then the people began to sing:

"Oh praise be to God for his Giant Hand,
That descended through the stars,
And then moved all of the cars,
rescuing George whom he'd reserved for his holy plans.

"Oh Giant Hand, Oh Giant Hand,
Your story is a legend throughout the land
Oh Giant Hand, Oh Giant Hand,
No other story is quite as Grand.

(silence, and then the high-pitched solo singing voice of a sister):
"A little boy wanders into the street,
His mother cries out from a window above,
A Giant hand descends, Oh glory be,
And rescues little Georgie with a covering of love".

Return to Chorus(everyone singing):
"Oh Giant hand, Oh Giant hand,
Who could know what you had planned?
Oh Giant Hand, Oh Giant hand,
You rescued your annointed and caused him to stand".

Joe , thanks for the funny story...the above was my favorite part ( along with the parrot)
I could hear that high pitched solo now.....

[Joe Sperling]

The Author would like to apologize for the appearance on this Thread of the Reverend
Burt O'Leary. He had no permission to post here, and the author has sent him on a
much needed vacation.

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

(SPLASH!!!!!)
SKIPPY: "I'm glad you're wearing inflatable thwimmies Reverend O'Leary!!
REVEREND O'LEARY: "But I don't know how to swim!!"
SKIPPY: "There'th a McDonald'th down the river a few mileth Mr. O'Leary, and they
make pretty good cheetheburgerth."
REVEREND O'LEARY: "But I tell you, I don't know how to swim!!"
SKIPPY: "You've got the thwimmies, but here, maybe thith will help." (tosses Reverend O'Leary
a "Reverend Burt O'Leary Prayer Cloth"). "Goodbye Reverend!!"(The reverend disappears around
a bend in the river heading downstream).
JAMES: OK, Let's get back to the compound, we're not quite finished there yet."

...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

Back in their room at the compound, James and Skippy discussed the Cult
of the Giant Hand, and it's leader.

SKIPPY: "What I don't underthtand ith why the people jutht don't leave. There aren't
any guard towerth, or even any fenceth'th keeping people in".
JAMES: "Well, Skippy, it has a lot to do with what is called "Co-Dependency", and a
character make-up that allows for one to be manipulated."
SKIPPY: "Hey! Look what I found in my back-pack. It'th a hamthter cage, with a wheel
and a water bottle too. The hamthter ith chubby jutht like me, and he'th wearing glathth
too. He'th altho wearing a hat."
THE HAMSTER: "Oy vay, that's not a hat. It's a yamulke."
SKIPPY: "Hey, he can talk."
JAMES: "What in the name of heaven??? A talking jewish hamster with glasses? What on earth could possibly happen next in this totally ridiculous story?"
SKIPPY: "Hey mithter hamthter, what'th your name?
MORDECAI: "My name is Mordecai. The Author has brought me back from a brief stint on another
thread about a year ago to make an attempt at getting a few more laughs. He's trying
to milk me for all I'm worth".

(Mordecai walks over and takes a huge gulp of water out of his bottle, and picks up and tosses a
kernel of Kosher corn into his mouth--crunch, crunch, crunch.  He then jumps up into his exercise
wheel and begins jogging slowly, his fat frame bouncing inside the wheel.)
Mordecai: "I need to work out a little today, because tonight the Sabbath begins, and I'll be laying around until Saturday night.  But I heard you discussing why people stay in cult-like circumstances and found the subject to be very intriguing.( He continues to jog, the wheel squeeking as he does
so).

"A lot of it does indeed have to do with one's character make-up. If one has very little self-esteem, one is far more likely to be caught up in something like this. Think of a woman in an abusive relationship. Many say 'Why doesn't she just leave?' But psychologically she cannot leave--the very power that is abusing her is also attracting her just the same. Most of the people in the Assembly are still in many ways like children. Think of a child who is being abused verbally, or physically at home. That child cannot leave, because he is depending on the very people who are abusing him.

In many ways these same characteristics appear in people "entrapped" in the Assembly. They want to leave, but are also attracted to that which is abusing them. They are entrapped in a sense by George, but far more by what he represents. He has a very powerful instrument at his disposal--it is called the Bible. But what holds the people in is not the Bible itself, but George's interpretation of
it. So, in many ways the people themselves are at fault for "allowing" themselves to be treated as
they are. But this does not take away the culpability of George Geftakys and those under him for the
spiritual abuse of hundreds of people in that system." (gets out of the wheel and picks up a sunflower seed which he cracks with his teeth, and eats it quickly).
 
SKIPPY: "Thankth Mordecai. I didn't underthtand a thing you jutht thaid, but hearing it from a hamthter
was interethting. It remindth me of when Jameth, Herbert and I ate thothe muthroomth."

JAMES: "Well, I could expound even more on what you've said but.....I can't believe I'm talking
to a hamster. This is absolutely ridiculous!!  By the way, where is Herbert?"
SKIPPY: "Oh, he'th in the other room doing thomething called a "Chapter Thummary".
JAMES: "A Chapter Summary? Good Lord! I knew I shouldn't have let Herbert out of my sight!"

..to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

James and Skippy walked into the next room and found Herbert sitting at a desk,
and writing his "Chapter Summary".

HERBERT: "Hello James, Hello Skippy, are you rejoicing? Praise the Lord."(his eyes
looked different than before, and he was speaking a bit robotically).
JAMES: "Can I see what you're working on Herbert?" (looks at Skippy and with
his eyes motions for him to move closer).
HERBERT: "Well, yes of course. I'm working on my "meaning" at this point in time
as the brothers showed me, and I'm almost done."
JAMES: "Now,  Skippy!!!(James and Skippy grab Herbert and wrestle him from the table.)

After a little persuasion, Herbert finally dropped his plans of becoming an Assembly member.


HERBERT: "Mmmpfff, Mmmpfff...ur...Mmmpfff"
JAMES: "Alright, Herbert. I'll take the gag out and untie the ropes now, if you promise not
to venture out alone into the compound ever again".
HERBERT: (GASP!!) "Certainly sir. I don't know what got into me sir".

THE AUTHOR: "Skippy, I want you once again to go address the cult-leader Geftakys and tell him
to let his followers go, stop teaching heresy, and apologize for what he has done".

And once again James, Herbert and Skippy approached, addressed and repeated the Author's
request, and once again were sent away by Geftakys, who laughed at them about the "plagues"
calling them "tricks", and "of no consequence at all".

Again, at midnight, the three were awakened by screams coming from the compound. As they
ventured outside in their bare feet, Herbert let out a loud wail as he felt the presence of the
third plague upon the compound: THE PLAGUE OF YODELING SLUGS.

JAMES: "Good Heavens!! There must be thousands of them, and they're crawling all over the
compound, and making very strange noises!!"

Screams pierced the night, as a sister ran by pulling at the slugs which had crawled onto her
while she was sleeping and were enmeshed in her hair. And the slugs began to let out very
strange sounds such as "Yodel layhee, yodel layhee, yodel layhee hoo!!"

JAMES: "Why, they're yodeling. Please let me out of this story. I just witnessed a chubby
Jewish talking hamster, and now yodeling slugs. The ridiculousness of this story has finally
hit rock bottom. I want out, and I want out now!!"

Then the door to George's compound flew open, and out ran George covered in slugs, with
one of them at his ear yodeling loudly.

George: "OK!! OK!! I'll let the people go. In the morning, I'll let the people go!!" (He was followed
outside by Betty, who was frazzled, and covered with slug trails, and had her fingers in her ears
in an effort to block out the yodeling, which had become even louder. It seemed to echo through-
out the whole compound.)

SKIPPY: "That yodeling maketh me hungry for a swith cheeth thandwich and thome hot chocolate".

..to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

In the morning, with the yodeling slugs having slithered off, but leaving their
shiny tracks behind, George addressed the people.

GEORGE: "I have been asked three times to 'let my followers go'. I must say that none
of you are 'my followers', and never have been, but are followers of God and not men."
(many "amens!!" were heard coming from the crowd).
"And how can I let you go when nothing is keeping you here? Do you see any locked gates,
or guards, or fences of any kind? You have always been free to go. But I want to state right
now that if you want to go, then go. I give my permission. (At that statement many in the
crowd began to turn to go to their bungalows to get their belongings).

"But I must warn you. In this place you are under a covering of the Lord, and an annointing, that
you will not find out there, or in any other church. If you leave this place you are leaving God's
best for you, and settling for something less. You will leave a covering, and walk straight into the
clutches of an enemy who wants to destroy you. And believe me, he wants you to settle for
something less, and then stagnate, and become totally ineffective for God. There are very few
who choose to continue, to fight the good fight, and accept God's will for their lives. It's so easy
to settle for less--to stay on the other side of the Jordan, to be a shallow Christian, and to go back
to your Wednesday Bible study, and church on Sunday morning. It's easy to leave the commitment,
and the dedication needed to become a holy people, a special people, and to be part of God's "Little Flock". Many are called but few are chosen. It takes a lot of commitment to become
one of God's chosen ones. Many have begun well, but then have decided to leave "God's place",
and not to follow "God's pattern", and because of this God can no longer use them. I, myself, choose to continue on the Journey, and to continue with this ministry. I want to be one of God's valiant ones, and an overcomer. But if you want to leave you are free to go."

After this statement, those who had begun to turn towards the bungalows stopped in their tracks,
and turned back around. Many had a look of fear and uncertainty in their faces. Some sincerely wanted to leave---but did they want to "settle for less"? Did they want God to think less of them?
Did they want to stay on the other side of Jordan? Did they want to be sub-standard Christians? And did they want to leave "God's covering" and expose themselves to an enemy out to destroy them? This was too  great a decision to make for all of them, and so they stayed, despite the fact that they could have walked right out of the camp at that moment.

That evening Skippy again repeated the same message, and again George repeated the same words
to them. And again, in the morning the three were awakened by loud crying in the camp. They were witness to the fourth plague: THE PLAGUE OF THE INVISIBLE BIBLES. The people could physically "feel" their Bibles, and flip the pages, but they could not see them. The people looked strange with their arms out as they were holding something, and attempting to read the Bibles,
but unable to. Many were distraught, as the Bible to them in many ways was like Skippy's magic backpack, where they could instantly get what they wanted, or be surprised on a daily basis, as
they would interpret certain verses to mean what they wanted them to mean. Many had a habit of flipping their Bibles open and reading wherever their fingers fell, just as George led them to flip their Bibles from book to book in a rapid manner to support whatever doctrine he was teaching that day. As the people had awakened that morning they reached for their Bibles. The moment they touched them they became invisible.

To many of the people The Bible was actually like a "magic book", or even like an "exercise book" which they could use to become "more Spiritual". Some felt for instance, that if they read Psalm 51 enough times, that through some mystical means they would gain a higher plain of Christian existence. Through this "Cycle of Devotion" or "Selfer's Prayer" much gain could be made in the Christian life. Many had actually come to believe(though they may not have really realized it yet) that the prayers, and daily rituals were actually changing them, much like those who pray the rosary think they are being changed. They were actually trying to change themselves, rather than allowing the Spirit of God to change them by simply accepting the words "It is finished".

It was very sad to see the people crying, and grasping at their Bibles, and holding them despite the fact that there was no way to read them. Many cradled them as though a book filled with paper pages had some power. The Bible itself had actually become an idol, which many refused to put down though they were now useless. And the crying continued throughout the day until it was dusk. George himself continued to hold onto his invisible Bible, and finally stated once again "OK, I'll let the people go tomorrow".


SKIPPY: "Hey, that wathn't funny. I kinda liked the Yodeling thlugth better".

..to be continued.

[Oscar]

Joe,

Better and better.  You have obviously done some thinking about your, (and our) assembly experience.

As I type this, I am in my study.  In 1989 GG and an "elder" sat in this room and hammered me for three hours on two themes:  "Brother Tom, you have given way to Satan in your mind."  "Brother Tom, you are in danger of leaving God's best for you."

However, they were doing me a great favor with realizing it.  My family was listening outside the door!     They finally got to see what I had been experiencing in the brother's/worker's meetings for years.

Tom

[vernecarty]

Joe,

Better and better.  You have obviously done some thinking about your, (and our) assembly experience.

As I type this, I am in my study.  In 1989 GG and an "elder" sat in this room and hammered me for three hours on two themes:  "Brother Tom, you have given way to Satan in your mind."  "Brother Tom, you are in danger of leaving God's best for you."

However, they were doing me a great favor with realizing it.  My family was listening outside the door!     They finally got to see what I had been experiencing in the brother's/worker's meetings for years.

Tom

It is really interesting the way God works. In 1989 the group in Champaign was formally recognized as an "assemlbly".
I knew it was doomed to failure when the "responsible brothers" were announced.
It really opened my eyes to a few things.
I had just bought a house in Champaign and was in the strange position of being a single brother in the assemblies with a three-bedroom house, and its sole occupant.
That was of course my choice.
I had absolutely no interest in establishing any sort of "brother's house" and made that abundantly clear to Bill Bradbury who was most surprised at my decision.
I think this was the point at which I simply stopped attending meetings regularly.
It seemed to my that I had much better things to do.
Funny, while the Lord was moving you out in Califronia, he was also easing me out in Champaign at the same time.
Too bad I did not know what you were going through at the time for we might have offered each other mutual support. 
But seriously, the thing about George's henchmen that I found the most remarkable (and contemptible) was how they were so willing to take a knife to the back of folk they knew full well were good people and did not deserve the kind of treatment Geftakys was prescribing. This is really where I think a number of them literally sold their souls...
I gotta tell you Tom, I do not know how I would ever be able to ever repsect men like these ever again...
I am now getting inqury letters from the CMA brass over what happened there ( I guess the secretary of the governing board got wind of it) but I am sending my money elsewhere...that's all water under the bridge so far as I am concerned.
Verne

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYSPE NOW continued....

James, Herbert and Skippy were again back in the room that the three of them shared,
and Skippy had turned on the little television he had found in his backpack while in the
canoe on the river.

SKIPPY: "Hey look, they're thtill broadcathting their televithion showth. Brother George
ith in all of them, and thome of the characterth are played by the leading brotherth. Motht
of them are copieth of old showth that uthed to be on. Look, Here'th one now. Oh, I
remember thith one. But George ith playing one of the partth. Thith ith funny, he hath a
mohawk haircut and he'th wearing a bunch of gold chainth. The thow ith called "The G Team".
HERBERT: "Turn up the volume, would you Skippy."
(Skippy turns up the volume just as George begins to speak)
George:(wearing mohawk and gold chains): "I PITY THE FOOL who doesn't have a morning time each day".
JAMES: "Alright, now this is completely ridiculous. George would never wear a mohawk, or all of those
gold chains, and never in a million years would he talk like Mr. T."
SKIPPY: "Oh, here's another show I recognithe. The man liveth with hith son in the old wetht. He'th walking down the center of the thtreet. But in thith one he pullth a Bible out and startth
flipping the pageth. It'th called "The Bibleman", and George playth the main character. Most people in the town carry little New Testaments, but he carries a full-sized Bible instead. That's why he'th called "The Bibleman". Boy, that Lucath McCain can really flip through a Bible fast. And his son Mark hath no mother, and then there'th the Theriff, Micah.."
JAMES: "This is preposterous. I need to go take a walk."

..to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

James headed outside to go for a walk. It was humid outside, and very dark. The
sound of birds and screeching monkeys filled the night air, as he walked between the
bungalows inside the compound. The evening "Tape Study" had come to an end, and
many of the members were doing chores, or eating dinner. "What a strange place this
truly is" thought James, "the amount of meetings these people go to is flabberghasting.
Bible Studies, Tape studies, Prayer meetings, Prayer Towers, All Night's of Prayer, even
short prayer meetings for the Prayer meeting itself. All of their time is taken up in going
to meetings, or with things surrounding the Assembly."

As he walked past one of the bungalows, a sound drew his attention. It came from a room
with an open window. James really didn't want to eavesdrop, but his curiosity overcame him,
and he approached the window. He peered in and saw a man in his early twenties, kneeling
beside his bed and praying. James realized now that what he had heard was the sound of
weeping. The man continued his prayer: " Please forgive me Lord. Please. I'm so sorry, so
very sorry. I don't want to be rebellious--I try not to be, I really do. I want to submit to the
brothers and be obedient, but sometimes I just can't. I'm trying so hard to be a holy person.
I want to be with all of my heart. I pray the "Selfer's prayer" daily( note:to some known as "Cycle of Devotion"--the author) and go to all of the meetings. But it seems the more I do the more I fail, and I just can't overcome my sins.(He begins to weep loudly, with tears flowing from his eyes, and mucous dripping from his nose) Please God please, don't shut the door on me. Please. George
says that we can so anger you by our rebellion that You might shut the door on us and turn us
away, just like the children of Israel.(bursts forth again with more loud weeping and crying). Please
don't be angry with me God. How I wish(groans and cries) You were like the Good Shepherd I
once knew, who said that I could never fail, who said he was preparing a mansion for me as though I was assured of going to it. But now, You say that it's possible I might not make it, that the door might be closed.(moans loudly and cries, his body shuddering as he does so). I want to change, I want to be an overcomer, I really do. Help me God, help me. Please forgive me for all I've done wrong or displeased you". (puts his face into the bedsheets and weeps uncontrollably).

James pulled back from the window with great sadness. He had been watching a very sincere soul,
who obviously believed in God, and wanted to serve him. But he was also a soul that was tormented
and filled with fear. He had been viewing a soul that was trying very hard not to offend God in any
way, which was impossible, for he is an imperfect mortal. "Why,  He is looking at God as though He is
a combination of the God of Mount Sinai, and the merciful God of the New Testament" thought
James. "He is trying to perfect himself through this regimen that everyone attempts to follow
here" he thought, "and that is absolutely impossible to do. He thinks by the much work and prayer,
that he is being changed by all of it into a more Spiritual person. What a shame."

"This very environment, and this very teaching, is designed to keep one trapped in Romans
Chapter 7" thought James."As long as this young man thinks he can perfect himself, or please
God by his service and commitment, he will view God as more of a taskmaster than a Good
Shepherd of his sheep. He will strive and strive, but fail and fail, and continue to cry out "Oh wrteched man that I am, Who shall deliver from this body of death? because the very teaching
of George causes one to remain in Romans 7 and not be released from it. How subtle the enemy
is when he leaks in his heresy, leading God's children away from his TRUE character, and to a false
god who resembles him in some ways, but traps them in dreaded legalism and spiritual barreness.

They are being taught that they are being lifted up to a higher spiritual life, a greater vision, a greater glory, but they are in reality being stifled by pride and elitism, which comes from the very leader himself. When he teaches that we are "glorified" due to OUR obedience, rather than the clear
teaching of Romans 8, which speaks of glorification in the past tense, as an accomplished fact. It is
an amazing irony that "The Rest" that George speaks of striving and working for, is actually entered into by realizing that there is nothing that we can do to get there, and is simply the result of the
words "It is finished". These people will never enter into Romans 8, because the teaching does not
allow for it. We must get these people out of here. James began walking back towards his bungalow.

...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...


(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!)
HERBERT: (heads towards front door, glancing at the clock he notices it's after
midnight) "Yes, What do you want?"
MAN AT DOOR: "Good Evening sir, may I ask you if you smoke?"
HERBERT: "What??? Sir, It's after Midnight."
MAN AT DOOR:"I represent John Hancock Life Insurance sir, and would like to tell you all
about a Term Life Policy that is well worth the money, and if you don't smoke their
are some added bonuses."
HERBERT: "Excuse me, but...
MAN AT DOOR: "If you are between the ages of 35 and 55, we have an excellent policy
with a double indemnity clause, and you pay only pennies a day. Please let me come in and
share more with you about these wonderful plans"(begins to enter residence).
HERBERT:(pushes the man back with one hand and shuts the door)"Oh, what a horrible
nuisance."(From outside the door: "Sir, please reconsider. Everyone needs life insurance!!!").
HERBERT: "Just go away and let me get some sleep".

(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!)
HERBERT: (Walks toward door shaking his head and his face turning red) "I told you I don't want
any Life Insurance!"he shouts, then opens the door.
TWO WOMEN: (First woman speaks) "Good evening sir. Did you know that many now living will
never die?"
HERBERT: "What? Who are you? I don't want to buy any Life Insurance".
SECOND WOMAN: "Oh, we're not selling Life Insurance sir. We're here to tell you about God's
Kingdom on earth. Imagine a future with no war, or famine or death. A totally restored planet
earth where everyone lives in harmony and peace."
HERBERT: "You are going around door to door at one in the morning and telling people about God's Kingdom on earth? Are you lunatics or something?"
FIRST WOMAN: "No sir, we are Jehovah's Witnesses. Please take a copy of the Watchtower magazine. In it you will read many wonderful things about the coming new world. The Lord will
be coming back very soon to set up his Kingdom. He returned Invisibly in 1928 to begin preparations for the end of this age and beginning of the next."
HERBERT: "I thought he returned invisibly in 1914 according to your theology,  if I'm not mistaken."
SECOND WOMAN: "Why no sir, it was in 1928, and many living at that time are part of the special
144,000 that will accompany Jesus in Heaven".
HERBERT: "Sorry, it's way too late for this. Please go bother someone else".(shuts door) From outside: "You'll be sorry one day sir. All that do evil will be annihilated!!"
HERBERT: "What in the name of Heaven is going on?

(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!)
HERBERT: "Go away!!!"
(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!)
HERBERT: (Opens door angrily): "What??"
LITTLE KID: "Hello sir!! I'm trying to win a trip to Hawaii. If I sell enough subscriptions I can do it. Please help me to win sir. Here's a list of the magazines you can buy. It doesn't cost that much and...
HERBERT: "I'm not interested. (Just then Herbert looks into the surrounding compound and sees that every door in the place has people knocking on them. There are Jehovah's Witnesses, Insurance salesman, vacuum cleaner salesmen, Moonies, Newspaper sales people, etc. etc.  He then
realized that he was seeing the 5th Plague on the compound The PLAGUE OF THE LATE NIGHT VISITORS.  And were they ever persistent!! Some were saying loudly "If George doesn't let you go, we'll see you tomorrow night!!")

So once again the people in the compound were being subjected to a sleepless night. And the thought of a return visit of these aggravating late night knockers drove the people to complain
loudly to George. And once again George said he'd let them go the following morning.

(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!)
HERBERT: (Opens door) "Please go away!! Please!!
PIZZA GUY: "I have a Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and extra cheese, Large."
HERBERT: "I didn't order a pizza, I..
SKIPPY: "Oh, that'th not part of the plague. I found an add in my backpack for late
night delivery from "Amaththon Piththa". Here'th your money thir. Thankth. Oh boy, thith ith gonna be good."

HERBERT: "Oh, for Heaven's sake!!"

...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...


ALEX TREBEK: "And here are today's categories: THE BIBLE, TEACHING AIDS,
STEWARDSHIPS, ASSEMBLY LINE, VEGETABLES and LET'S JOIN UP.
Steve, you go first..."

STEVE: "I'll take STEWARDSHIPS for $200.00 Alex.
ALEX: "Using a squeegee or a paper towel, you remove the dirt to restore transparency".
BOB: "What is cleaning the windows, Alex?"
ALEX: "That's correct Bob. Back to you."
BOB: "Let's try ASSEMBLY LINE for $200.00 Alex".
ALEX: "Term used in response to one deciding to use their own brain to make a decision."
HENRY: "What is 'Rebellion is as the sin of Witchcraft' Alex?".
ALEX: "That's correct Henry. Please choose again".
HENRY: "Let's go with ASSEMBLY LINE for $400.00 Alex".
ALEX: "The reason there are no sisters appearing on this show"
STEVE: "What is 'Because men are in authority and take all responsibility', Alex?"
ALEX: "Very Good Steve, and we go back to you."
STEVE: "l'll try TEACHING AIDS for $200.00 Alex".
ALEX: "Consisting of a Title one gives it, it consists of three steps which lead one to a greater
understanding of Biblical truths."
HENRY: "What is a 'Consequence', Alex?"
ALEX: "No, I'm sorry Henry".
BOB: "What is a 'Chapter Summary', Alex?"
ALEX: "Good Bob, go again."
BOB: "I'll try VEGETABLES for $200.00 Alex.
ALEX: "This vegetable is usually garbed in three layers, or has a covering on top".
BOB: "What is an 'Assembly Member', Alex?"
ALEX: "Very good Bob, please go again".
BOB: "Let's go with VEGETABLES again for $400.00 Alex."
ALEX: "When rubbed the wrong way they turn red and let out a threatening sound"
STEVE: "What is a 'Leading Brother', Alex?"
ALEX: "Good Steve, Please go again".
STEVE: "Let's try LET'S JOIN UP for $200.00 Alex".
ALEX: "They came up the Amazon but now are our newest members. They'll be moving
into a Brother's house today".
BOB: "Who are 'James, Herbert and Skippy', Alex?"
ALEX: "Very good Bob."

A loud scream pierces the room.
HERBERT: "James, what's wrong?? Are you OK??"
JAMES: "Oh thank heavens, I just had a horrible dream.  I'm alright now."
SKIPPY: "Me too. I dreamed that I wath the only perthon on earth that wath alive, and all
the McDonald'th were clothted. It wath one of the thcarietht dreamth I've ever had."

..to be continued.

[al Hartman]

BOB: "I'll try VEGETABLES for $200.00 Alex.
ALEX: "This vegetable is usually garbed in three layers, or has a covering on top".
BOB: "What is an 'Assembly Member', Alex?"
ALEX: "Very good Bob, please go again".

BOB: "Let's go with VEGETABLES again for $400.00 Alex."
ALEX: "When rubbed the wrong way they turn red and let out a threatening sound"
STEVE: "What is a 'Leading Brother', Alex?"

Is there a Pulitzer prize for humor?  If so, the Author is on track!!!       

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYSE NOW continued...


SKIPPY: "Today were going to do what'th called 'fry an egg'. Firtht we get out a frying pan and
put thome butter or oil in it. I'm uthing what'th called mathola corn oil. Now I turn the heat on
under the pan. The pan ith already getting hot, tho I lift up the pan and turn it back and forth
like thith to help thrpead out the oil evenly on the pan.

Good. The oil ith all thpread out now, so I get the carton of eggth out of the refrigerator(reaches in and gets the eggs), and I open it. Oh good, I've got eight of them left, and Jameth and Herbert are thtill athleep, so I'm going to eat all of them. I'm going to make an egg thandwich. Look over there--thee, I've already put out four thliceth of bread, and thpread mayonnaithe on two of them. Tho, now I crack the eggth open with thith thpatula(cracks one open). I let the egg drop into the pan without getting any thellth in it or they get crunchy.  (He proceeds to crack the other seven into the pan). I break the yoketh open in the pan becauth I want the eggth to be flat when I put them into the thandwich. Now I flip them over and cook the other thide. Yummy, they look really good.

Now, I lift them out of the pan and put them on the thliceth of bread like thith. Nextht I thprinkle thalt and pepper on them like thith(puts a heavy coating of pepper on the eggs). You can add a thlice of onion if you want, but I'm going to put a thlice of American cheethe on each thandwich.
And (munch, munch munch) that'th how you fry and egg and make a thandwich...

JAMES: "Skippy, who are you talking to?"
SKIPPY: "To them."
JAMES: "To whom?"
SKIPPY: "To the readerth of Geftakylypthe Now. There were five plagueth and then everything thtopped. I figured I'd fill in for the Author, thince he obviouthly fell into a ditch or thomething."
HERBERT: "Hey, what happened to all of the eggs?  I was going to make us all breakfast".
SKIPPY "I think it wath the thixtht plague on the compound, the PLAGUE OF THE MITHTHING
EGGTH. Maybe all of the eggth in the camp are gone...that'th thcary".
HERBERT: "Plague of the missing eggs, huh? Why do you have yolk on your face, and why
are their eggshells in the trash can?"
SKIPPY: "I don't know. The author workth in mythteriouth wayth though."
HERBERT: "Why you little..."
THE AUTHOR: "Skippy, James, Herbert, it's time".
JAMES: "Time for what? Is Skippy going to find some eggs in his backpack?"
SKIPPY: "Oh there you are. I wath thtarting to think you weren't going to finith the thtory".
THE AUTHOR: "Go before George and repeat what you have before".
HERBERT: "Sir, after that fifth plague we had, have you sent a sixth? Just curious.
THE AUTHOR: "No, there have been no further plagues."
SKIPPY: "How 'bout thothe Patriot'th?"

.....to be continued.